It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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