farters have to be the big spoon...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
