real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
