He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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