Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
