I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
