you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize