what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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