I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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