Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
