she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
