You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
