Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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