She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
