some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
