; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
