Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
