i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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