I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
