I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
