the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
