Your tits are I can't wait for
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
