Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
