Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
