I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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