All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
