This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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