I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
