cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
