apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
