I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
