If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
