does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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