she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize