Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Randomize
