I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
