I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
