I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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