Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
