I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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