NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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