spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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