Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
