if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
