She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
