She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
