I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize