don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
