Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
