Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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