i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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