Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
