I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
