I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
