just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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