Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
