hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
