my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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