i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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