I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
