ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
