The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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