Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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