I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize