I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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