dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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