I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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