they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
