I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
