I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
