im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
where am i from again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
