i may or may not be watching the land before time
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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