Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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