i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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