Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
