omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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