Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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