honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
