ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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