I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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