OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
