I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
