So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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