Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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