I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize