i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
