i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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