I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
