so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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