There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize