If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
