I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
