That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
