Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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