you traded sex for a burrito?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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