but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
