what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize