thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
last night I used snow as a chaser
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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