I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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