Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
