She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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