the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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