shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
