I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
