those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
