it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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