He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
