her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
