I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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