I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
